Alone Without You
by That Dragon Kid
Summary: It's the same old routine for Ianto Jones. Just with a broken heart. Set after 'End of Days'.


**PS I do not own Torchwood, nor do I own its characters. If I did, Children of Earth would have been a hell of a lot different, and I would have lured Ianto off…*coughcough* ANYWAY xD I don't own Torchwood, I just love it!**

**This is a songfic; the song is 'Alone Without You' by Mark Owen. **

**Set after 'End of Days' and before 'Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang'. **

**The lyrics are in italics. If I've gotten any of them wrong, please tell me :) I had to cut down a bit, because it's quite a long song xD **

**Alone Without You**

_I listen to your album  
And I watched your favourite film.  
Hey, hey, hey. _

_I missed you today._

Same old day, same old story.

Get up, shower, shave, put on a suit, make coffee, drink coffee, out of the house in forty-five minutes.

Ianto Jones didn't see the point anymore. Everything seemed so normal, when the man he cared most for had abandoned him.

He clicked the button to turn on his sound system, and his breath caught in his throat as some of Jack's favourite music drifted out.

Ianto missed Jack.

_I read those early letters, _

_That were filled with early dreams,  
Some of them materialised, others never seen.  
We used to watch the world walkin' by._

Drive to the Hub, straighten tie, walk through the cog-wheel door.

Smile, maintain eye contact, make more coffee, work in the archives or on some paperwork.

Hard to concentrate when Jack's office door was wide open.

Ianto slipped from his chair, edging over to it. He walked slowly inside the room, breathing deeply as he caught the last lingering scents of Jack.

He sat in Jack's chair, staring into space. His eye caught the handle of Jack's drawer; Ianto quietly slipped the key from where he knew Jack kept it, and rolled the drawer open.

Letters, dozens of them. All addressed 'Ianto'. Ianto felt like crying.

He didn't realise the tears had already came.

_The truth is you're not here,  
Here I am, I'm screwed up again._

Exit office, smile plastered back on face, quick wipe of the eyes.

Chatter with Tosh, scowl at Owen, take orders from Gwen.

No-one realised Ianto was breaking.

_No matter what, which way I turn,  
How am I feeling, slowly bleeding here for you,  
And spending time with hope.  
And I don't know why it is,  
It's just the way it is._

Catch weevil, put weevil in vaults, get spat on by weevil.

Stare into Janet's cell before realising it's been half an hour.

Go back upstairs, nobody shoots a glance.

Clutch chest to make sure heart doesn't break and fall apart.

_What am I to say?  
What am I to do?  
What am I, _

_Alone, without you._

"Are you ok, Ianto?" Toshiko's concerned voice reached Ianto's ears. He looked up from the coffee machine, a wan smile spreading across his face.

What was he supposed to say? No, because my heart is aching. No, because my heart is breaking. No, because Jack left me.

"Fine. Just fine," Ianto replied. "Milk?" What else was he supposed to say?

_What am I to say?  
What am I to do?  
What am I, _

_Alone, without you._

Pour coffee, take it round. Receive grateful smiles, groan from Owen that he doesn't like sugar in his coffee. Make Owen another cup, this time getting a nod.

Get dismissed by Gwen for the day.

Ianto retorted, saying he needed to sort something in the archives; truth was, he didn't know what to do with himself. The nights were so damned lonely.

_I made your favourite dinner,  
And I wore the shirts you loved.  
Hey, hey, hey.  
Just in case you came._

Ianto always wanted to look presentable.

Nobody noticed that the suits he had been wearing recently were all of Jack's favourites.

Once home, make dinner, make more coffee, out of milk, run to get some. Set two places at the table, remember that it's only one person dining tonight.

Go to bed to cold sheets and an empty heart.

_Friends still ask about you,  
And I say, that you're just fine,  
And have you seen the world walking by?_

Wake up, get showered, shave, put on suit. Make coffee, eat breakfast, brush teeth, out in forty-five minutes.

Get stopped on stairs by neighbour.

"Morning, Ianto," The old woman next door paused as Ianto walked by. He smiled at her, before turning to walk off. "Say, Ianto?" Ianto turned back to her. "Whatever happened to that nice American friend of yours? Is he ok?"

Ianto swallowed. "Yeah. Jack's…great," What else could he say? The world was moving on without him, and he was getting left behind.

_The truth is you're not here,  
Here I am, I'm screwed up again,_

Go into Hub, find that Owen has broken coffee machine.

Fix coffee machine, make coffee, take coffee round. Only realise after you reach Jack's office that you made five cups instead of four.

_No matter what, which way I turn,  
How am I feeling, slowly bleeding here for you,  
And spending time with hope.  
And I don't know why it is,  
It's just the way it is._

Feed weevils, feed pteranodon, get called a poof by Owen because it's not a pteranodon, it's a pterodactyl. Tell Owen calmly that it is in fact a pteranodon.

Go down to archives, put in alien device found on last field mission.

Sit down in middle of archives, arms wrapped around knees. Trying not to cry, not to let the hurt show, but unsuccessful.

That's just the way it was. _  
_

_What am I to say?  
What am I to do?  
What am I, _

_Alone, without you._

Go back to Hub, find that pteranodon has taken Gwen's PDA, spend all morning coaxing the dinosaur with a bar of chocolate.

Sit in Jack's office whilst everyone else is in the board room.

Wait for ten minutes before going down.

Say the coffee machine was broken.

Truth is, Ianto was the one who was broken.

_The truth is you're not here,  
And I'm screwed up again,  
And I don't know the reason why,  
I don't know why it is._

Miss Jack's touch, Jack's caress, Jack's kiss.

Yearn to hear his voice again. Yearn to hold him once more. _  
_

_And did I ever say,  
That I just need your love,  
And I want you back again,  
I want you back again._

Kneel on floor of Jack's office.

Get ripped apart by sobs and grief.

Bury face in hands.

Ianto, pouring all his grief out, fists clenched, eyes streaming, realised something important.

He didn't just miss Jack.

He loved Jack.

_You said that this isn't yet our time,  
So give me time,  
To get you back again._

Compose self, straighten tie, return to duties.

Go home, same old routine starts again.

Ianto couldn't help but blame Jack a little for his grief and guilt.

"It wasn't time…" He choked out.

_What am I to say?  
What am I to do?  
What am I, _

_Alone, without you._

Lie on bed, twisting and turning. Sleep is a luxury forgotten by insomnia.

Forced away by memories and dreams.

_It's for you that I fall out of bed in the morning,_

The only reason Ianto got up in the morning was the hope that Jack would come back.

_Still checking the mail as I'm leaving,_

See if any of those letters in Jack's drawer ever made it to Ianto's door.

_  
I sit in the car without driving._

Just in case Jack ever came back.


End file.
